I am not built to BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has been the week from hell!!!  Anyone else that feels the same feel free to say so!  I lost a friend and someone I admired to a premature death, I lost an election for a local non-profit association board, and my partner and I decided to split after three years.

So how do you deal with it?  How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? How do you "pick up the pieces?" How do you react?  Are you embarrassed? Are you humiliated? Are you angry? What will people think? Do you write about it or do you try and hide it?  Will people understand or be judgmental? 

I don't know the answer to any of these questions, and these and so many more I have been asking myself over the weekend. Most importantly though, I asked myself is there a correct way to deal with the pain of loss?

I came to this conclusion  - I have not lost anything! 7 days ago I was not a board member and today I am also not a board member, so what did I lose? My friend that passed may he rest in peace was not an active part of my life for the last year or so and though I will miss him terribly, and feel the world has lost a positive energy that deserved to be here, I have not lost him because I will always remember him same as I did 7 days ago. I have not lost a partner, but gained 3 years of positive memories and a dear friend that I will care about for a long time to come.   So what have I really lost? Nothing!

Many people get paralyzed by the pain of loss, I too must say that I fear being paralyzed by the pain, but so many people that comfort those in a loss situation advise "what does not kill us will make us stronger..." I  am not so sure of the validity of this statement, I think I was strong before the loss. Did it some how make me more resilient for future loss? No, not really as each loss is different and comes with a different type of pain, I don't think past experiences of pain some how make you more resilient. In fact, I think the opposite.

I think what makes me stronger is my ability to rely on friends, my ability to rely on common sense and logic, and my ability to compartmentalize and stay focused.  I do not think additional pain or loss will some how strengthen these abilities, they are not muscles that need to be worked out, you either have it or you don't. 

My advice to others that have lost loved ones or recently parted ways with an ex or had a setback at work is to take a deep breath, try and figure out what you had the day before the loss and objectively decide if you really did lose something or if you gained an opportunity. This will not work in all situations for sure, but it will work in many, and sometimes loss is just that, an opportunity gained. Look on the positive side, dust yourself off and move on with your life and look for the opportunities that will present themselves.

If my words of wisdom don't help you or work for you try a little listen here...
Whitney Houston - "I Didn't Know My Own Strength"

Seeing this performance on Oprah in 2009 changed my life and I hope it will change yours too!