"OOOOH THAT Mark Anderson"

This past Saturday I went out, something I do so rarely these days… I went for a lovely dinner at Monarch on Kolkovna (Good food, nice wine list and terrible service) followed by an evening out with my best friend and some of his friends at Tretter's (As usual a nice atmosphere let down by SOME members of its wait staff) after 3-4 drinks or about 2 hours, I had the great pleasure to make the acquaintance of a beautiful Dutch woman.

As is the norm for a first encounter of two expats in Prague we shared our stories (How we got here, what we do for fun, what we do for work and any other accomplishments worth mentioning).  After just a few moments my respect meter began to climb hearing her story, I was truly amazed by all she had to say from both her professional life to her private life, a true inspiration.  Then as most normal first meetings go, it was my turn to share, who I am, who I have become over my time in Prague, etc.   

I shared my standard introductory story, i.e. owned my own business at 23, started EBA by 24, went to GE Money at 28 had some ups and downs since, currently getting my MSc at Prague College, etc.  Then to clarify, she asked about my cleaning company and EBA, and then she exclaimed with some surprise and shock “Oh your THAT Mark Anderson…”

To which I proudly answered “Yes”

I do not regret who I was from the ages of 23-30. I was tough, aggressive, and outspoken; often confused, scared, and intimidated.  I accomplished what some have not accomplished in decades of trying; I made some choices which shaped my future for both positive and negative.  I will no longer apologize for who I was, it is in the past, and I hope that we can let it stay there.  

If anything I look at those years as my first Masters Degree in International Business.  I learned how to succeed and handle success and I learned how to fail. I learned how to play with the big boys, and I learned how to be diplomatic. I learned how to be screwed and I learned how to be screwed royally... I learned that no matter how hard you try you will never overcome your shortfalls unless you own them, accept them, mature from them, learn from them and MOVE ON. 

While this next statement may seem a bit grandiose, the stories of “THAT Mark Anderson” have become bit of a folk legend, some hold a little truth, some hold a lot of truth and some hold no truth at all.  Some of them I am aware of and some I am not aware of  - So please feel free to just ask me to clarify something for you should you be one of those perpetuating the rumors or folk lore, because honestly, it’s time for it to stop.   

If I can grow up at 31, I hope those that carry on spreading such tall tales can grow up as well, so both I and they can move on with their lives.

I am not perfect, but I am seasoned, I am strong, I have learned from my mistakes and have become a well rounded individual deserving of a second chance. 

My Final Apology – Owning My Wrongs

I openly admit I made some funny and not so funny faux pas in my 20’s, and I could occasionally be downright rude to those who I felt hurt or betrayed me in some way.  I was scandalous in my personal life and I offended many without even knowing it.  I was aggressive and tough on my employees, and I earned a lot of respect and money too quickly and I abused the privilege.    

One thing I have not done is to cheat or steal from ANYONE, EVER so let those rumors be proved or dismissed. 

I apologize to those that feel or felt wronged by me and I hope you will understand that I was in a very new place in my life and was not very adult in all my decisions.  Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think it may be relevant to… 

And please, let’s move on.

And to my new anonymous Dutch lady friend – Thank you for not pre-judging me and for such a wonderful evening! I hope we will have many more!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not built to BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has been the week from hell!!!  Anyone else that feels the same feel free to say so!  I lost a friend and someone I admired to a premature death, I lost an election for a local non-profit association board, and my partner and I decided to split after three years.

So how do you deal with it?  How do you cope with the loss of a loved one? How do you "pick up the pieces?" How do you react?  Are you embarrassed? Are you humiliated? Are you angry? What will people think? Do you write about it or do you try and hide it?  Will people understand or be judgmental? 

I don't know the answer to any of these questions, and these and so many more I have been asking myself over the weekend. Most importantly though, I asked myself is there a correct way to deal with the pain of loss?

I came to this conclusion  - I have not lost anything! 7 days ago I was not a board member and today I am also not a board member, so what did I lose? My friend that passed may he rest in peace was not an active part of my life for the last year or so and though I will miss him terribly, and feel the world has lost a positive energy that deserved to be here, I have not lost him because I will always remember him same as I did 7 days ago. I have not lost a partner, but gained 3 years of positive memories and a dear friend that I will care about for a long time to come.   So what have I really lost? Nothing!

Many people get paralyzed by the pain of loss, I too must say that I fear being paralyzed by the pain, but so many people that comfort those in a loss situation advise "what does not kill us will make us stronger..." I  am not so sure of the validity of this statement, I think I was strong before the loss. Did it some how make me more resilient for future loss? No, not really as each loss is different and comes with a different type of pain, I don't think past experiences of pain some how make you more resilient. In fact, I think the opposite.

I think what makes me stronger is my ability to rely on friends, my ability to rely on common sense and logic, and my ability to compartmentalize and stay focused.  I do not think additional pain or loss will some how strengthen these abilities, they are not muscles that need to be worked out, you either have it or you don't. 

My advice to others that have lost loved ones or recently parted ways with an ex or had a setback at work is to take a deep breath, try and figure out what you had the day before the loss and objectively decide if you really did lose something or if you gained an opportunity. This will not work in all situations for sure, but it will work in many, and sometimes loss is just that, an opportunity gained. Look on the positive side, dust yourself off and move on with your life and look for the opportunities that will present themselves.

If my words of wisdom don't help you or work for you try a little listen here...
Whitney Houston - "I Didn't Know My Own Strength"

Seeing this performance on Oprah in 2009 changed my life and I hope it will change yours too!

Are you a racist?

This weekend I had a terrible thing happen – I was scammed… but the worst part was not the scam or the potential loss of funds but the response…

On Saturday evening I went to withdraw money from a bank machine just nearby my apartment.  I completed the transaction flawlessly, however, when it was time for the money was to dispense to me, to my surprise, it did not!!  Instead I noticed a metal plate which I thought might have been an inactive dispenser door, but after further investigation realized it was just a metal plate… Was the machine out of order? Was I scammed? 

Either way I instantly called the 800 help line listed on the ATM. I was told, sorry there was nothing he could do to help me. I asked for a technician, I was told "Bohužel" it is Saturday night and it cannot be done.  Then I asked if at least he could make a record of my call, i.e. take my name and number and I was told "sorry we don't do that..." Don't do that?  Hmm... How helpful was the helpline after all???

Many of us foreigners would refer to this incident as "Typically Czech,"  while incredibly frustrating though I realized getting so upset would not solve the issue.  The money is gone, and hopefully will return someday... or maybe not... After 8+ years here I have come to accept what is "typically Czech."  I accept it because I have accepted the culture.  I have stopped referring to things as "typically Czech"  because I realized that it is offensive.  Czechs, like any other culture in the world have their own way and operate on their own time.  But all too often, many of us foreigners take for granted that Czech have their own unique culture, and identity which comes with a whole lot of baggage.  

Just because Czechs are typically Caucasian and resemble North Americans or other Western Europeans does not mean they are like us.  If we go to China, most of us will read a book on how to behave, how to hand a business card, how to eat, how to settle a restaurant bill... but do we give the Czech people the same courtesy?  Why not?  

The conclusion I come to is that we do not respect their culture, for all its good and for all its bad, we just assume since they look like us, they should have the same values, and work ethic and attitudes as us... Is this fair? Is it realistic?  

If you are a foreigner please do one thing the next time you get fustrated and feel like shouting "THAT'S TYPICALLY CZECH!!!!!!!!!" Remember you are a guest in this country, it is YOU that is foreign, and know that is IS typically Czech, it is thier unique style, culture and mentality and who are you to say its wrong?

Use the litmus test: If I were in China or Japan would I be so upset and racist?

If you are Czech: How do you feel when you hear a foreigner say something like this? Do you agree or disagree? Is being typically Czech a bad thing?

If you are a foreigner: Are you aware of your racism? Do you treat Czech with respect? Do you respect their individuality and national heritage?